if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
