Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
