but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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