Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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