I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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