the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i think i just lost a toe
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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