I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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