im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
