shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was like eating out sand paper
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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