if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
