I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
