I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize