I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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