That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
