is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
