I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
