what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
