he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
