Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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