i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
