She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
