i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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