That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
