We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
