Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
