I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
