You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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