At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
