I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
