Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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