I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
