He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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