I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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