tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
