Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
