He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
