well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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