I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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