??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
