her vagine was all disorganized.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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