respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
