i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
