woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
