Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
