Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
