Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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