if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
