Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
