I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well you can't waste a boner
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
