Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
