I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I could fuck to npr.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
