If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
