your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
