if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
