so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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