Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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