I want to have your abortion
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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