My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize