There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
