Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
