I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
