Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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