I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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