i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
