just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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