well I can't set my house on fire every night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
