the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
