Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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