Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
