I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
