I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
