I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
