It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
