It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
